March 18, 2013, I rushed at the hospital and arrived there at 4:20 am. As soon as I got inside the room I saw my mom lying on the hospital bed, with her eyes closed while taking her last breath. I ran toward her without saying a word to my dad who was kept on saying, "She's gone, she's gone." I hugged my mom, I started to cry and whispered, "You can go and rest now mommy. I love you so much and thank you, thank you, thank you for everything." After I said those words, she breathed her last breath and zipped her lips. Her heart stopped beating at 4:35 am. I know she just waited for me. It was really heart wrecking for an only child to let go of her mother. I know I still need my mom but she had to go. The doctor talked to me the night before she died. He told me that she could put my mom on endotracheal tube so she could breathe but he said that he does not want to see her go with that . He said that we are all going to pass this world with pain and sufferings and even the LORD Jesus Christ was in so much pain before He died. I agreed not to put my mom in ICU and to not resuscitate her whatever may happen. It was also my mom's request. My mom was the most caring, thoughtful, supportive, bravest and loving mother for me. When I was a kid I used to watch my mom sleeping and I always ask myself what if my mom and my dad died. Would I survive? Could I accept it? I want to pass away first because I wouldn't know what to do if they would leave me. I was afraid of death. For five years of fighting with ovarian cancer, I had seen how much pain she went through but I had never heard my mom giving up on her chemotherapy until 10 months ago she decided to stop taking it. 5 months later she started having fluid retention in the stomach because of the cancer tumors were producing water and it had to be drained (Paracentesis Procedure) every 3 weeks, but it got worsened so she had to undergo the procedure every week or less. I remember when she told my dad to stop praying for her recovery, because she was tired and she was ready to leave this world. That was when I started praying to God for her not to be in so much pain and whatever God's will for her, I would accept it even it would hurt me. Mom's burial took 7 days because her sister from America asked me to wait for them. My family and friends always tell me to take good care of my dad because they know how much he loves my mom and that I am much stronger than him. My dad's eldest brother and I had a talk one night on my mom's burial. He asked me if what makes me and my dad to be strong. I told him that it is our FAITH in God. He told me that I should not forget that I am a blessed girl, that I am an angel sent from heaven because I am taking a straight path and it won't be easy but he knows that I will not choose the wrong way. I told him that I do believe on what he said to me. All my prayers have been answered, the miracle that we had been asking from God was already given to us. March 2008, my mom was diagnosed Ovarian Cancer Stage 4. The first time I heard it, the first questions I had in my mind was how long would she live. Days? Months? or will it be a year? I was only 3rd year college that time and that was why my mom prayed to God that she does not want to leave me while I am still studying. So she prayed to God to give her 5 years to live. God is good because He answered my mother's prayer, He let my mom enjoy the rest of her days on earth. She still had helping hands even she was sick. I learned a lot from my mom from this experience. She had been through a lot but now she is free from chemotherapy and paracentesis. This strong woman taught me how to be brave and to face all the sufferings in this world without blaming God. I learned how to be positive, hopeful, and to be closer to Him. I learned how to accept and to sacrifice for the ones I love and lastly I learned how to let go even it hurts so bad. Because the Lord who created the heavens and the earth knows me even before I was born. The One Who makes me breathe has already planned my life.
Thank you so much mommy for everything!
We miss you and we LOVE you so much!
I don't know when but I know we will
see each other again someday.
We miss you and we LOVE you so much!
I don't know when but I know we will
see each other again someday.
Hugs and Kisses,
Daddy & Em-Em
Daddy & Em-Em
A Time for Everything
3 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
~ ECCLESIASTES 3:1-8 ~