My life is way too different now than before. I used to be so afraid of things like being alone and it made me cringe whenever I think of myself being an independent girl. Even though I could have studied in Manila for college, I still chose to study at the same town where I live. It was not just because of I did not want to go in a dormitory or boarding house and go home every weekends but because I did not want to leave my parents. I was their only offspring and being far from them could also mean taking away the perks of being a princess in our home. I was quite dependent on my parents. It was even so hard for me to decide on my own.
As I grew older I became more aware of life, especially when my mother got sick. I learned how to manage my emotions and stand on my own. I became more reliable in some things. I graduated in college, passed the board exam and took my first working opportunity. My parents taught me that I had to learn how to stand on my own feet because they knew that someday I would be on my own self.
In the year 2013, I lost my mother from battling cancer. It was so painful for a 24 year old girl to lose someone who had been there all her life. But I had to be strong for my father because he was the one who could not accept the death of his spouse. He tried to be happy and contented with just the two of us. But I knew he was hurt a lot and it made him so sad. It was my dream to get married at the age of 25 like my mother but I never knew that I would experience another misery in my life.
My father undergone Coronary Bypass Surgery last April 2014, but he did not survive. I never thought that a year after my mother passed away, my dad would leave me too. Such a cruel life right? I was so sad and depressed. I asked God why a lot of times but I never blamed Him. I offered Him my life and to take control of it instead. I trust Him more than I trust anyone and myself.
Losing the people I love the most was devastating but it did not serve as a hindrance to me not to smile after all the awful things I had been through. I believe that God has better plans for me and that He will never forsake me. He knows I have been faithful to Him.
I am so blessed to have family and friends who always understand, who never leave my side and never fail to show me love (I always pray for you). Few more days and I will be turning 26 and all I want is to have more wisdom, knowledge and strength. That is all I need in this kind of life I have right now.
Responsibilities and obligations are fluttering in my head. I must admit that I am still adjusting and I cannot do all things at the same time. I never knew that it could be this hard. It is sad whenever I think of I was not the person who I used to be, who could just sit there and watch Korean dramas all day long or go out just after sweeping the whole house.
Now I have to work, pay the bills, do the grocery, cook, manage the house and stuffs. The fact that I only have a day off to do such things (sighs). I am still thankful that I got the privilege to be in this world. I might not get the best here but I will keep on fighting and do life big.